31 July 2007

A man just asked to photgraph my breasts



29 July 2007

Bunion, ailment of the stars

Victoria Beckham is old news. Now, according to Heat magazine, Cameron Diaz. And we all know Heat doesn't lie.

28 July 2007

If I believed in a higher being

I would assume he was trying to tell me something.

25 July 2007

Possibly more information than you will ever need

Smear test. Startle reflex. Involuntary spasm. Hmm.

24 July 2007


It'll be novel, if nothing else.

22 July 2007

Rules are made to be broken


It was New Year's Eve's Eve
When I carried a bowl of my own vomit into a shared bathroom
While I was wearing red pyjama bottoms
And a red lacy bra from Marks and Spencer
Which my mum had purchased for me that Christmas.
On the landing I met two girls drinking Goldschlager
Who thought I was dressed up for a Moulin Rogue party
And complimented me on the brilliance of my costume.

If you look closely I think you will find that is eight whole facts. And here is your bonus one:

Because I have no friends, I am tagging the last eight people who left comments on my blog who haven't already been tagged. Most of them haven't been tagged because they don't do tagging. Neither do I.

Oh dear.

Mr Witness, Mr Andre, Ms Twit, Mr Bananas, Ms Redux, Lady Bracknell, Mr Asshole and Mr Zazzi except Zazzi does not seem to have a blog at all, I cannot tell Andre because he has disabled comments on his site, and Lady Bracknell is far too busy and important for tagging, but none of that is my problem.

19 July 2007

Small mercies

I am whipping his arse at Scrabble.

15 July 2007

Models of Disability

Mine is built out of green Lego and has a pink fairy on the top. Argos are going to stock it for £14.99 a pop.

14 July 2007


This blog is secret.

11 July 2007

I am planning to flee the country

Please don't tell anyone.

07 July 2007

I have run out of things to say

04 July 2007

I have googled my symptoms

and conclude that I have fox mange.

02 July 2007


I think I should.