Goats will take over the world!

And if not them, swans.

Just for information, like

I fucking hate you.

XXX

This is not an elephant

Things which are not supposed to happen #1

Getting swollen ankles on the Eurostar.

Pride

I have just upset a social worker!

Do I win a prize?

Rah!

If I even started to tell you, you wouldn't credit it.

I have been discharged!

This has never happened before!

News just in

I have bigger breasts than your average French woman.

And I have done neither a Christmas nor New Year post because a) I can't be arsed, and b) I was getting drunk in foreign.

I am back now.