My housemate

is throwing up due to excess alcohol. It is my fault.

Addicted

Caffeine. Yum

There is nothing very interesting to report

My life is not very interesting at all.

Not at the moment.

Another day at the office, another shameless round of self-publicity

Hello

If you click here some time between now and next Sunday, you'll find yourself in the unlikely hands of the BBC Southern Counties Radio Breakfast Show Listen Again feature. And if you fast forward to an hour and forty two minutes into it, you'll hear some jumped up cripple with big tits going pole-dancing.

Listen until the end of Damon's interview, but don't tell my mother.

Oh heaven's above, what have I done...

... Somebody stop me, I barely know my own strength.

Things I have learnt (an occasional series)

1. Graduated bobs are all very well, but you do have to be able to hold your head on one side while you're having your hair cut.
2. Taking bad news with good grace leaves people more inclined to feel guilty.
3. Bloc Party rock.

Ow

Today I have mostly been listening to local radio.

It hurts.

Oh

No potatoes were available.

I think

I am going to have a baked potato for lunch.

Ha!

I can switch my phone off too! That'll learn you.

Here is the news

• Honesty: still not working for me;
• Chelmsford: surprisingly fun;
• Bunion: very ouchy today.

News ends.

A tip

Honesty. Not always the best policy.

I am going to Chelmsford tomorrow evening

There is a reason for this. It is a stupid reason.

In the words of Karen O

I hope I do
Turn into you

A redirectin

Since I cannt write abut anything that is actually happening in my life - even in my usual eliptical tnes - can I just recmmed that you all download this bk because I've just snaffled a cpy from abebks, and reading it is ne of the greatest things I've dne in ages.

I'm not going to blog about this

so don't even ask.

Famous People Sporting Cut Eyebrows #1

Forget Mills, this is true inspiration!

Bollocks

And yes, that does mean I have to sort out this situation while looking like a particularly pathetic liability of a cripple.

What joy! What fun!

Thanks be to God.

It is in my contract with God

that I do at least one stupidly crippled thing once every three months or so.

So if you want to know why I've got a huge gash on my left eyebrow and I look like I've been bashed around by an evil boyfriend, I'm going to refer you to clause 4b in that contract, rather than admitting that I fell out of a taxi at 3am.

It hurts, by the way.

And yes, on this occasion I will be accepting sympathy.

Bigot

[Post temporarily removed for reasons of abject paranoia.

To be honest if <the subject of the post> were capable of tracking down my blog, identifying me and identifying herself, I'd be so surprised I'd chop off my own head and eat it with a teaspoon. But I'm about to play dirty, and the trick with playing dirty is to minimise all possible risk.

Now bring it on.]

Clearly

you are richer and more successful than me, but I am more popular.

Let's remember that.

It may be

that you are more grown up than me, but that doesn't stop me thinking you are an evil witch who has no idea how to hold a civil conversation.

Except

he made me cheese and pickle sandwiches for lunch.

Nothing Remarkable Has Happened.