It is in my contract with God

that I do at least one stupidly crippled thing once every three months or so.

So if you want to know why I've got a huge gash on my left eyebrow and I look like I've been bashed around by an evil boyfriend, I'm going to refer you to clause 4b in that contract, rather than admitting that I fell out of a taxi at 3am.

It hurts, by the way.

And yes, on this occasion I will be accepting sympathy.