Why do people assume

that just because you have large breasts you want to wear turquoise bras?

(Honest to god that took very little searching.)

People searching the internet for information have found this blog instead and will now be sorely disappointed

For example:

1. My autobiography title (AOL)
2. It is NB for everyone (Google)
3. Cameron Diaz bunion (Google)
4. I hate Alex (Google)
5. Jogger's nipple (Google)
6. My breasts blog (Polish Google)
7. Cut eyebrows (Google)
8. I hate Alex (AOL)
9. Please press my breasts (Google)
10. Ex boyfriends (Google)

I do not think I can offer advice on any of the above, except Cameron Diaz's bunions. She does indeed have them. So does Oprah. And Victoria Beckham. Look closely next time you see them wearing strappy sandals.

Medicine is art not science

and it does well to be clear on that.

But - Oh! - if it were so

Oh!

The Berocca

ain't working.

A note to some associates

Shut the fuck up, you don't know what you're talking about.

Thank you.

I am going into hiding

My precise location will be revealed through a game of online Scrabble at 13:00 hours on Thursday.

Cheese and

Pickle Sandwich Man is cheeky as.

And the title of my autobiography will be

Addicted to Hollyoaks

I love

Bloc Party. Even more than I love Cheese and Pickle Sandwich Man. Who I don't love at all.

Please

I want a badger hat.

A poll!

Do I sort my life out, or do I go and have a bath and eat cake?

An explanatory note

Cheese and Pickle Sandwich Man and Fatter-Ex are entirely separate people.

For no particular reason

Cheese and Pickle Sandwich Man has begun to email me again.

Ex-Boyfriends

He's fatter than he was.