Apparently I am not allowed to go

because if I did I would either commit suicide or marry a Protestant.

And even if he did

I doubt he'd care.

I hate Alex

but Alex doesn't know who I am.

Of course I should

go.

Things I Will Never Understand #1

People who wear their spectacles in swimming pools.

Night Out

If you think you might enjoy listening to me describe mildly depraved sex acts in a Central London location, please note I'll be reading at Tales of the Decongested again this coming Friday.

Wish

fulfilment.

Confession

I talk too loudly on my mobile phone in public.

I am not ashamed.

I could go and stand in the corridor, but you could go and sit in the Quiet Coach.

It's my opinon that anyone who isn't fascinated by the indiscrete conversations of other people is a very very joyless person indeed.

Note

I do not use the phrase, "I'm disabled!" as often as this blog would seem to suggest.

I can't even begin to tell you

Best not to ask, probably.

I slammed his door and didn't say goodnight

"Hurry up love, you're taking your time, I'm parked on a main road here."
"I'm going as fast as I can. I'm disabled."
"I know. I would've parked on the other side of the road if you weren't."
"I can't physically get out any faster."
"Yeah, well, hurry up."

There concludes Patronise Katie fortnight, then.

What I should have said: You get an accessible taxi, I get out of it faster.

For the record, it wasn't a particularly slow disembark.

Bastard Twat Cunt.

I never thought it was my fault

but knowing whose fault it was doesn't make it any better, does it?

Unbeknowns to me

it seems to be National Patronise Katie Within An Inch Of Her Life Fortnight.

Anyone wishing to join in should leave a message below. Participants can be assured of a free slap around the head with a sharpened mobility aid, in recognition of your charitable thinking.

No! No! No!

make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop

Last night, I had a dream,

it was about fake tan.

"She's very independent, isn't she?"

Die Die Die

He's sorry

I'm speechless