The best things

come to those who...

Y'know.

I am better than her

in every possible way.

I like

good omens.

Why they won't let me on desert island discs

Because I would make them play Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole.

I bought a fraudulent, virus-infected flash drive on Ebay

by accident.

It's not like I'm a consumer journalist, or anything.

Imagine how stupid I was feel if I was a consumer journalist!

Things that need explaining to Americans

What 'copping off' means.