Ha!

I am stalking her on the internet and she does not know!

Ow

It is the fault of Jarvis Cocker and Martha Wainwright.

Downing Street

said there had been "no stickiness of any significance".

Jamming printers

sucks. Especially in silent, public rooms.

Manhattan

No one understands a word I say.

Gone fishing

I

cannot be bothered.

Notice to all commuters

I know you probably have a monthly direct debit to Scope, I know you would never discriminate against the disabled, I know you were in a hurry.

But next time you are running for your train, please take care to look where you are going. And next time, please don't pretend you're sorry and please don't pretend you care. If either of those things were true, you would've stopped to check I was all right rather than jumping on the train.

At least you caught it, hey?

My surprise is that you looked so surprised when the cripple you knocked flying shouted back.

I am

your downloadable desktop buddy.