Unisex?

Because really I was hoping for something a little more feminine.

Unexpected news

Paris Hilton is my soulmate.

Please divert all calls to my mother

I'll be hiding under the desk all day today.

Congratulations

on it being Easter Monday.

4 Day Week

I wish.

Free!

Unlimited filter coffee (black).

Did you think I was dead yet?

I was busy chopping off his bollocks. Sorry.

But just in case you were wondering

I don't miss him at all.

I still miss her.

Just that, really. I do. And at the oddest times.

I do not friggin' well care

what you had for dinner.