31 March 2007

True Story

I am sitting on a bus in central London. Andrew Motion, poet laureate, boards the bus.

'Oh,' I think. 'You're Andrew Motion, poet laureate.' He sits nexts to me.

Another passenger removes his headphones. "I've worked it out!" he exclaims, excitably. "I've placed you! You're a writer! You read at Tales of the Decongested a few weeks ago!"

28 March 2007

Yes, I know you're stressed

and I know it's annoying you that I'm not stressed. But after the six months I've just had, believe me there is nothing - nothing - that we need to be stressed about right now.

So take a deep breath and let's get on with it, yeah?

24 March 2007

Yes, I'm still alive,

which is lucky.

19 March 2007

Look, will you all just fuck off

I'm hungover and I'm in a bad mood anyway and I just can't be doing with any of this, yeah?

14 March 2007

That didn't

take long.

10 March 2007

Someone tell Jamie Oliver

I suspect macaroni cheese may be hallucinogenic.

06 March 2007

I have asserted my moral rights

Which is ironic, really.

05 March 2007

Two at once

My brain is fit to explode.

01 March 2007

Oh god

I'm going to get told off.