Welcome to Crippledom

People, this is what Crippledom is all about:

Yesterday, I purchased a pair of fairly average shoes. Nevertheless, I was excited, because they weren't my usual spaz shoes, and yet I seemed to be able to walk in them without pain.

Gosh.

This afternoon, I wore them on an excursion to the supermarket, and they got scuffed. I took them off when I got home, because they seemed to be rubbing a bit.

This evening, I had a Special moment, and knocked over a glass of wine. Most of the wine landed in the shoes. Yes, I said in the shoes, not on them. They may recover from this, but I am unconvinced.

And I haven't even told you the thing where I dropped my bags on the way back from the supermarket, and everything rolled onto the pavement, so I ended up leaving a punnet of slightly soiled strawberries on the wall of an art gallery.

People think I make this up. I don't. Really really don't.