Everyone Else Has A Blog

What estate agents say to disabled flat seekers #1

2012-01-07T20:10:00.002Z

- Are you sure you wouldn't rather live in Wimbledon?

Things I Will Never Understand #1

2011-06-21T09:21:00.000+01:00

Virtual hugs.

That

2011-06-12T10:52:00.001+01:00

was quite a week.

Guess which one worked

2011-05-14T00:26:00.004+01:00

Me: Hello, my blackberry is telling me I have an unread message and I don't."

Orange Business Support: [An entirely complicated answer which basically involves taking my blackberry apart, deleting all my messages, joining a coven, and chopping off an arm.]

The Internet: [Go to your main message inbox, click on today's date at the top, and click the phrase 'Mark Prior Opened'.]

A Definition of Irony

2011-05-01T20:45:00.006+01:00

It is Blogging Against Disablism Day. I had planned to write a long post about the challenges of holding down a full time job while holding down a full time disability: about education, exhaustion, discrimination, and the delicate balance between financial, professional and medical security.

Unfortunately, because I am holding down a full time job and a full time mobility impairment, I am too exhausted to bend down and pick up yesterday's junk mail from the doormat, never mind write any kind of eloquent blog post in my spare time.

Oh well.

The most disconcerting thing about alopecia...

2011-04-03T13:59:00.002+01:00

... is the amount of hair I'm pulling out of my mouth.

Conversations I have had

2011-03-29T21:38:00.003+01:00

Me, finger digging in scalp: "Is that my other bald patch?"

Her, riffling through my hair like a pack of cards: "No, that's the crown of your head."

Overuse of Exclamation Marks!

2011-03-29T15:03:00.001+01:00

It's unnecessary! Except sometimes!! Like now!!!

My ex has made his profile private, so I can no longer Facebook-stalk him

2011-02-19T23:40:00.001Z

This is disappointing.

I get jealous

2011-02-07T22:35:00.000Z

of people who are more successful than me, despite the fact that they are rubbish.

(The ones who are more successful than me because they are excellent, I applaud.)

An upsum of my year so far

2011-01-29T14:56:00.001Z

Jesus Wept.

I am always slightly suspicious

2010-11-28T13:23:00.001Z

of people who use their middle names as their first name...

I heart

2010-11-26T23:52:00.000Z

Moroccan! Leather! Pouffes! Giveaway! Love!

Well, we can safely say

2010-10-12T00:37:00.001+01:00

I am a stress eater.

A View From the Civil Service

2010-10-07T00:30:00.003+01:00

Me: I'm really glad about the child benefit cuts. It makes me feel like they're not just going for disability benefit claimants; they're also going for the high earners who claim as much in benefit as I do, yet have less need for it. And yet, I know I shouldn't be too pleased. I know they're coming for DLA claimants. I know that if they're shafting parents; they're coming for me double hard, and in the not too distant future.

A Civil Servant: Yes.

Cross

2010-09-12T20:46:00.001+01:00

your fingers. For me. Please.

I have

2010-09-07T00:31:00.001+01:00

a secret.

Clothes

2010-08-29T22:17:00.002+01:00

I wish I could wear without looking ridiculous.

Courage

2010-08-04T02:25:00.000+01:00

is sometimes necessary.

Comment below

2010-08-01T20:18:00.000+01:00

if you're a Chinese-language spambot...

I can recommend

2010-06-30T23:15:00.002+01:00

this. The producer sounds marvellous.

Sometimes being a cripple is GREAT...

2010-06-08T17:59:00.003+01:00

Yes, I do have a lisp

2010-05-27T20:41:00.002+01:00

I ordered: Chicken Satay
They delivered: Chicken Pad Thai

A real conversation

2010-05-25T17:22:00.002+01:00

which I really just had

- Good afternoon, Shreddies, how may I help you?
- Hi there, this is Katie, I just missed a call from this number.
- Um, oh right. We're a shredding company. We shred things. Well, paper.
- Oh, OK. Guess it must've been a wrong number.
- Gosh, I'm really sorry about that.
- It's no problem, really. I was just checking it wasn't important. Bye!
- Um, hold on. You don't happen to need anything shredding, do you?
- Er... no I don't need anything shredding.
- [Downcast] OK, bye.
- [Feels terrible] Bye.

I know I've got a Creative Writing MA

2010-05-19T02:17:00.001+01:00

but there's only so much of my life I can spend writing complaint letters, so please sort it out. Thanks.

I'm not saying this is a good idea

2010-05-07T21:23:00.002+01:00

But 500 years ago, at this juncture, we would've had a civil war...

In the interests of fairness.

2010-05-05T23:52:00.002+01:00

I should say that one of the candidates sent a detailed reply to my email this evening. At 8:30pm. Immediately after one of her party faithful had landed on my doorstep.

He could not, off the top of his head, answer my disability-related question. Surprise.

So there we are.

Which of these things do we suppose my suddenly disability aware candidate is most interested in 11 hours before the polls open:

1. The needs of disabled people
2. Getting me to vote for her

Incidentally, voting requires me to scale a huge hill. This will involve either money or pain. I should, rightfully, have asked her to give me a lift to the polling station.

I have become

2010-05-04T07:38:00.000+01:00

an election bore.

I live in a marginal constituency

2010-05-01T22:44:00.005+01:00

and I don't know who to vote for.

I had sorta assumed my local candidates would want my vote, and therefore reply to the emails I have sent them asking to clarify various aspects of their policies affecting disabled adults.*

But they haven't.

This makes me sad.

I still don't know who to vote for. I do know that whoever becomes my local MP, representing - y'know - ME in parliament, they will be someone who has not given much thought to how their politicial decisions affect disabled people. At least, that is what the non-replies to my emails suggest.

And I am someone who is very, very politically engaged and actively wants to think about who I vote for and why. My life experience as a disabled person is not the only factor which will determine my decision, but I am selfish enough to hone in on the policies which affect me directly. I would like to understand what everyone I might vote for is offering me.

It seems they're not keen to tell me.

Or maybe they don't know.

Or maybe they're offering me nothing much at all.

Candidates: you have 72 hours to talk to me. Please do. Or I might lose my faith in the democratic process.

* NB: I didn't email all of them. I did read all their manifestos. Except the manifestos of the idiot parties. I only emailed the candidates who I still sort of wanted to vote for after reading that propoganda. The ones I thought might give disabled people a fair crack of the whip. It is these candidates who have ignored me. Which, frankly, is more depressing than if I'd blanket emailed them and they'd blanket ignored me.

This post was brought to you in honour of Blogging Against Disablism Day.

Evidently

2010-04-21T22:38:00.001+01:00

this blog does not exist anymore.

Sackable Offences

2010-03-14T11:18:00.004Z

- So I'm working on this series of films which are conversations between disabled people. They're really funny!

- Don't be so cheeky!

- I'm not being cheeky, I'm... they're... I WANTED them to be funny.

- Oh. Oh?

- Yeah!

- [sincere pause] Well, they say the best humour comes from the heart...

*gives up*

Still

2010-03-03T23:24:00.001Z

too keen.

Sometimes

2010-03-01T01:05:00.001Z

some people are so stupid I just want to cry.

You are

2010-02-16T21:38:00.001Z

too keen.

It is going well

2010-02-12T00:36:00.001Z

but I want a holiday anyway...

Just Occasionally

2010-01-30T00:42:00.000Z

the world is good to me.

And to think

2010-01-27T01:18:00.001Z

I haven't even finished work yet...

In so many ways

2010-01-10T00:52:00.001Z

a blank page.

It's 2010

2010-01-02T18:30:00.002Z

Bernard Cribbins has killed Doctor Who and I seem to have a legwarmer obssession.

Sometimes

2009-12-12T01:40:00.000Z

I despair...

I'm well aware you've got issues

2009-12-11T01:21:00.000Z

Please don't take them out on me.

I am not

2009-12-05T01:48:00.000Z

scared.

I want

2009-11-26T23:37:00.000Z

to write a book about joy.

Oh the Glamour!

2009-11-07T15:09:00.002Z

1. A book about managing your thyroid;
2. A yoga strap;
3. Various forms of lard

Love me,

2009-11-07T15:08:00.001Z

love my yoga strap.

Homeless people

2009-10-25T01:54:00.001+01:00

always tell me, God Bless!

Some reasons I only go shopping in Oxford Circus once a year

2009-10-22T00:50:00.002+01:00

1. Pain
2. Exhaustion
3. Bankruptcy

(No particular order.)

My GP

2009-10-16T01:26:00.000+01:00

gets excited when I see her

Things I thought were extinct which are not #1

2009-10-12T10:49:00.001+01:00

Sherbet Fountains

Old news

2009-10-01T19:40:00.002+01:00

Cheese and Pickle Sandwich Man is flirting again. Ha!

Excitement

2009-09-30T22:42:00.001+01:00

is exhausting...

A taxi driver asked me what my novel was about

2009-09-24T01:44:00.004+01:00

and I said: "Sex. Cats. Tea."

He did not believe me!

My NHS gimp shoes made my ankle roll

2009-09-24T01:37:00.001+01:00

and I tripped into the path of an oncoming car. But apart from that, they're super.

Question

2009-09-20T03:41:00.001+01:00

Is stalking your ex-boyfriend on Facebook an attractive trait?

Sometimes there are good reasons

2009-09-19T15:53:00.001+01:00

to hyperventilate

But I can do this one

2009-09-04T20:58:00.002+01:00

for two whole seconds

The King Pigeon

2009-09-04T19:03:00.001+01:00

is not a pose for spazzes...

By the way

2009-09-01T12:08:00.001+01:00

while I was away, I finished my novel. Yes.

*panics*

If yoga was school

2009-08-28T23:38:00.000+01:00

I would be in the remedial class.

I am back

2009-08-23T18:20:00.002+01:00

from podiatry, Upminister, and France, and I want to add Baclofen as my facebook friend.

Places I am going in the next 72 hours

2009-07-30T02:05:00.001+01:00

1. Podiatry
2. Upminister
3. France

I own a basque

2009-07-16T23:39:00.003+01:00

And henceforth will be ticking the 'I need help getting dressed' box on all benefit application forms...

And I have no doubt

2009-07-08T00:31:00.000+01:00

that your actual cock is shorter than you imagine it to be.

You are a cock

2009-07-06T20:40:00.000+01:00

even if you do have a medical degree.

According to my physio

2009-07-01T11:03:00.000+01:00

I am better aligned than I was two months ago...

High risk strategies

2009-06-20T11:58:00.000+01:00

are not for the faint-hearted.

My mother

2009-06-13T13:32:00.001+01:00

would be proud.

Credit

2009-06-11T23:28:00.001+01:00

where Credit's due.

(Don't ask.)

This week

2009-06-05T00:33:00.001+01:00

could not be any weirder.

My ex boyfriend

2009-05-20T10:08:00.003+01:00

sent his new girlfriend the self same lovesong he once sent me.

My physio has drawn me stick men illustrations of the exercises I am supposed to do

2009-05-11T18:41:00.001+01:00

If I try and take them abroad, I will get arrested.

Irony: A Post for BADD

2009-05-04T21:29:00.003+01:00

I did not do a Blogging Against Disablism Day post because I was too tired. Sorry.

Just so you know

2009-04-27T23:41:00.000+01:00

1 May 2009 will be Blogging Against Disablism Day.

Crippled Achievements #27159

2009-04-18T22:01:00.002+01:00

I have sorted out my wardrobe.

(Nothing is folded.)

My ankles are swollen

2009-04-14T22:55:00.001+01:00

I think it is because it is Spring.

Because it's hardly rocket science

2009-04-11T00:42:00.003+01:00

I wouldn't mind, but the correct solution to that problem would have been to say, "Hold on two minutes while I radio through and find you a number for a licensed taxi firm."

People I do not want to meet when trapped in a burning building

2009-04-11T00:29:00.009+01:00

Cop: Tube station's closed, love
Me : Um, OK. Any idea how I can get to Victoria?
Cop: Don't worry. You can walk to any other tube station on the line and use that.
Me : [Indicates walking stick] No, I can't.
Cop: Oh. Er...
Me : My walking's very limited.
Cop: Um...
Me : What would you recommend?
Cop: [Shrugs]
Me : Is there a bus?
Cop: Yes! Get a bus!
Me : Is there a bus to Victoria? A direct bus?
Cop: Dunno.
Me : Where do the buses go from?
Cop: Um, somewhere near here. If you just walk along a bit, you'll find them.
Me : I can't walk very far at all. I can't walk aimlessly around Hammersmith in the hope I might, perhaps, find a bus.
Cop: [Laughs]
Me : [Shouts]

Random passerby: [puts me on a bus to Clapham]

This is why they invented Dignitas

2009-04-05T23:53:00.001+01:00

I am watching Beyond Boundaries: Where Are They Now? and I want to die.

Accidental damage insurance

2009-03-31T17:19:00.001+01:00

saved my life.

The funniest thing

2009-03-23T13:08:00.001Z

ever.

Actually

2009-03-21T15:06:00.000Z

78,178

Cure!

2009-03-19T03:26:00.001Z

I am less short-sighted than I was last year.

77515

2009-03-14T00:49:00.001Z

Comic relief can fuck off

2009-03-13T10:49:00.001Z

That is all.

I think I am in love

2009-03-10T21:57:00.000Z

with Heston Bluementhal.

76554

2009-03-03T01:59:00.001Z

(This is significant.)

Starving artist

2009-03-01T02:15:00.002Z

I have spent too much money on clothes!

(It is my own fault.)

Small matter

2009-02-24T14:01:00.001Z

My novel should have a title I can pronounce. Probably.

76740

2009-02-24T03:09:00.001Z

(Nearly there.)

(Probably.)

Things I love #1

2009-02-17T12:56:00.001Z

Ebay

Free gifts

2009-02-09T03:34:00.000Z

The guilt is too much.

Um...

2009-02-06T01:59:00.002Z

On BBC2’s Newsnight last night, Will Young, the pop singer, said the BBC panicked in axing Thatcher. “I don’t think it’s the right decision. I feel sorry for the BBC because there’s a culture of timidity,” he said.

Also this week, Kylie Minogue, pop superstar, appeared on Channel 4 News, stating that the Bank of England's decision to cut interest rates was a faulty one and not in the long term interests of the British economy.

Things I bought that I do not need

2009-02-03T03:43:00.003Z

Everything.

Except the snow and ice attachment.

Places I don't go very often #1

2009-02-01T02:32:00.001Z

Ballet!

The best things

2009-01-30T14:14:00.000Z

come to those who...

Y'know.

I am better than her

2009-01-28T15:21:00.000Z

in every possible way.

I like

2009-01-17T02:46:00.001Z

good omens.

Why they won't let me on desert island discs

2009-01-13T08:56:00.001Z

Because I would make them play Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole.

I bought a fraudulent, virus-infected flash drive on Ebay

2009-01-06T19:41:00.002Z

by accident.

It's not like I'm a consumer journalist, or anything.

Imagine how stupid I was feel if I was a consumer journalist!

Things that need explaining to Americans

2009-01-06T11:00:00.000Z

What 'copping off' means.

Everyone Else Has A Blog

What estate agents say to disabled flat seekers #1

Things I Will Never Understand #1

That

Guess which one worked

A Definition of Irony

The most disconcerting thing about alopecia...

Conversations I have had

Overuse of Exclamation Marks!

My ex has made his profile private, so I can no longer Facebook-stalk him

I get jealous

An upsum of my year so far

I am always slightly suspicious

I heart

Well, we can safely say

A View From the Civil Service

Cross

I have

Clothes

Courage

Comment below

I can recommend

Sometimes being a cripple is GREAT...

Yes, I do have a lisp

A real conversation

I know I've got a Creative Writing MA

I'm not saying this is a *good* idea

In the interests of fairness.

I have become

I live in a marginal constituency

Evidently

Sackable Offences

Still

Sometimes

You are

It is going well

Just Occasionally

And to think

In so many ways

It's 2010

Sometimes

I'm well aware you've got issues

I am not

I want

Oh the Glamour!

Love me,

Homeless people

Some reasons I only go shopping in Oxford Circus once a year

My GP

Things I thought were extinct which are not #1

Old news

Excitement

A taxi driver asked me what my novel was about

My NHS gimp shoes made my ankle roll

Question

Sometimes there are good reasons

But I can do this one

The King Pigeon

By the way

If yoga was school

I am back

Places I am going in the next 72 hours

I own a basque

And I have no doubt

You are a cock

According to my physio

High risk strategies

My mother

Credit

This week

My ex boyfriend

My physio has drawn me stick men illustrations of the exercises I am supposed to do

Irony: A Post for BADD

Just so you know

Crippled Achievements #27159

My ankles are swollen

Because it's hardly rocket science

People I do not want to meet when trapped in a burning building

This is why they invented Dignitas

Accidental damage insurance

I'm not saying this is a good idea